I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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