she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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