i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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