that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
