nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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