where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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