I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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