He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
