I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sponge bath it is.
...so i touched it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
