Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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