A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
