i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
