I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
