Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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