Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
