nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
