Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
