just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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