my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
