I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
