I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
