i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
