Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
