We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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