he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
