the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
