She's JV to your varsity
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
