It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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