I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
