my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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