We won't sleep together?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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