why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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