and you said cock pushups were impossible
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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