Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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