Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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