God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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