he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
