hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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