My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
