I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
zippers are such a cool invention
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
