You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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