if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
