I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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