yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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