he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize