I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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