my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My hand turned me down
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
