I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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