Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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