I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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