So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
