They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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