You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
