We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
