I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
