theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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