I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
