you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
