Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
