i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need water and some morals
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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