So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
