I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
