i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
