I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
