On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
