It's just like the Real World with babies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
