Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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