the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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