This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.