I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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