I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.