so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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