plz talk dirty to me
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
