; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
