OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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