You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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