If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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